something to share

A story worth sharing.....

4 years ago, an accident took my beloved away and very
often I
wonder,
how does my wife, who is now in the heavenly realm, feel
right now? She
must
be feeling extremely sad for leaving a husband who is
incapable to
taking care of the house and the kid. 'cos that is the
exact feeling
that I have,> as I feel that I have failed to provide
for the physical
and emotional needs of my child, and failed to be the dad
and mum for my
child.

There was one particular day, when I had an emergency at
work. Hence, I
had to leave home whilst my child was still sleeping. So
thinking that
there was still rice leftovers, I hastily cooked an egg and
left after
informing my sleepy child.

With the double roles, I am often exhausted at work as well
as when I am
home. So after a long day, I came home, totally drained of
all energy.
So with just a brief hug and kiss for my child, I went
straight into the
room, skipping dinner. However, when I jumped into my bed
with intention
of
just having a well-deserved sleep, all I heard and felt
was broken
porcelain and warm liquid! I flipped open my blanket, and
there lies the
source of the 'problem'... a broken bowl with
instant noodles and a mess
on the bed sheet and blanket!

Boy, was I mad! I was so furious that I took a clothes
hanger, charged
straight at my child who was happily playing with his toy,
and give him
a good spanking! He merely cried but not asking for mercy,
except a
short explanation:

"Dad, I was hungry and there wasn't anymore
leftover rice. But you were
not back yet, hence I wanted to cook some instant noodles.
But I
remembered you reminding me not to touch or use the gas
stove without
any adults around, hence I turned on the shower and used
the hot water
from
the bathroom to cook the noodles. One is for you and the
other is for
me. However, I was afraid that the noodles will turn cold,
so I hid it
under
the
blanket to keep it warm till you return. But I forgot to
remind you
'cos I was playing with my toys...I am sorry
Dad..."

At that moment, tears were starting to run down my
cheeks...but I didn't
want my son to see his dad crying so I dashed into the
bathroom and
cried with the shower head on to mask my cries. After that
episode, I
went towards my son to give him a tight hug and applied
medication on
him,
while coaxing him to sleep. Then, it was time to clear up
the mess on
the bed. When everything was done and well past midnight, I
passed my
son's
room, and saw that he was still crying, not from the pain
on his little
buttock, but from looking at the photograph of his beloved
mummy.

A year has passed since the episode, I have tried, in this
period, to
focus on giving him both the love of his dad and mum, and
to attend to
most of his needs. And soon, he is turning seven, and will
be graduating
from
kindergarten. Fortunately, the incident did not leave a
lasting
impression on his childhood memories and he is still
happily growing up.

However, not so long ago, I hit my boy again, with much
regret. This
time, his kindergarten teacher called, informing me of my
son's absence
from
school. I took off early from work and went home, expecting
him to
explain. But he wasn't to be found, so I went around
our house, calling
out his name and eventually found him outside a stationery
shop, happily
playing computer games. I was fuming, brought him home and
whack the
hell out of him. He did not retaliate, except to say,
'I am sorry, Dad'.
But after much probing, I realized that it was a
'Talent Show' organized
by
his school and the invite is for every student's mummy.
And that was the
reason for his absence as he has no mummy.....

Few days after the caning, my son came home to tell me, the
kindergarten
has
recently taught him how to read and write. Since then, he
has kept
to himself and stayed in his room to practise his writing,
which I am
sure, would make my wife proud, if she was still around.
'cos he makes
me
proud too!

Time passes by very quickly, and soon another year has
passed. It's
winter, and its Christmas time. Everywhere the christmas
spirit is in
every passer-by... Christmas carols and frantic
shoppers.... but alas,
my
son got into another trouble. When I was about to knock off
from the
day's work, the post office called. Due to the peak
season, the post
master was also on an edgy mood. He called to tell me that
my son has
attempted to
post several letters with no addressee. Although I did make
a promise
never to hit my son again, I couldn't help but to hit
him as I feel that
this child of mine is really beyond control. Once again, as
before, he
apologized, ' I'm sorry, Dad' and no
additional reason to explain. I
pushed him towards a corner, went to the post office to
collect the
letters with no addressee and came home, and angrily
questioned my son
on his prank, during this time of the year.

His answer, amidst his sobbing, was : The letters were for
Mummy. My
eyes grew teary, but I tried to control my emotions and
continued to
ask him: " But why did u post so many letters, at one
time?" My son's
reply was: " I have been writing to mummy for a long
time, but each time
I reach out for the post box, it was too high for me, hence
I was not
able to post the letters. But recently, when I went back to
the postbox,
I
could reach it and I sent it all at once..."

After hearing this, I was lost. Lost at not knowing what to
do, what to
say.....
I told my son, " Son, mummy is in the heavenly
kingdom, so in future, if
you have anything to tell her, just burn the letter and it
will
reach
mummy. My son, on hearing this, was much pacifi ed and
calm, and soon
after, he was sleeping soundly. On promising that I will
burn the
letters on his behalf, I brought the letters outside, but
couldn't help
opening the letter before they turn to ash.

And one of the letters broke my heart....

Dear Mummy,

I miss you so much! Today, there was a 'Talent
Show' in school, and the
school invited all mothers for the show. But you are not
around, so I
did not want to participate as well. I did not tell Dad
about it as I
was afraid that Dad would start to cry and miss you all
over again. Dad
went
around looking for me, but in order to hide my sadness, I
sat in front
of the computer and started playing games at one of the
shops. Dad was
furious, and he couldnt help it but scolded and hit me, but
I did not
tell him the real reason. Mummy, everyday I see Dad missing
you and
whenever
he think of
you, he is so sad and often hide and cry in h is room. I
think we both miss you very very much. Too much for our own
good I
think. But
Mummy, I am starting to forget your face. Can you please
appear in my
dreams so that I can see your face and remember you? I
heard that if you
fall asleep with the photograph of the person whom you
miss, you will
see the person in your dreams. But mummy, why havent you
appear?

After reading the letter, I cant stop sobbing. 'cos I
can never replace
the irreplaceable gap left behind by my wife....

For the females with children:
Don't do so much overtime. If you cannot finish the
work, it must be
some kind of problems within the company, and it is not
your sole
problem.
Feedback to your boss. Endless overtime may not necessary
be the answer
to the problem. Take care of your health so that you can
treasure and
take
care of your little precious.

For the married
men:
Drink less, smoke less, cos nothing can replace your good
health, not
even business nor clients.
Try thinking this way, are you able to work till your
clients are
totally dependent on you? or your boss is totally dependent
on you? In
this society, no one is indispensable.

Take care of your health, so that you can take care of your
little
precious and your loved ones.

For those singles out there:
Beauty lies in loving yourself first. With confidence and
loving
yourself, you will see the beauty in other things around
you. You will
be able to work better and happier. Don't let your
health be affected by
your work or your boss, so nothing matters more than your
well being.